The Night I’ll Remember– 2/9/12

It's been months since I last opened this blog account. This write up or rather a rant should have been posted a year back. But I for some weird whim that must have taken hold of me then didn't. And so, now I do the honour of presenting the one thing I'am good at writing- rants I type out brashly with bristling self-righteousness at a moment and then forgotten about a day or two later. Looking back at this piece I wrote, I smile because I note with equal measures of joy and disdain that I have not really changed and would probably write the same thing if it were to happen again. (Fingers crossed, this should NOT happen) Without rambling any further, here it is:

I would say yesterday, Sep 2, was one of the most irritating things that I’ve ever experienced. Now let me tell you why and what happened. It started out beautifully, with the rain setting in and the weather was calm and very pleasant, and I was thoroughly enjoying myself, after a good dinner of Rotis, Paneer Butter Masala and Fried Rice.

It was 10 PM and I had received a text from my cousin I hadn’t spoken to in a long time, and it felt good talking about trivial topics. And then suddenly, whooshity doosh, the electricity goes off. My first reaction was neutral, and I thought, “Hey, it’ll be back in another 5 minutes.” But 5 minutes stretched into an hour passing by, and the electricity wasn’t back yet. I was irritated as I had college tomorrow and did not want to absent myself and I was muttering constantly, throwing choice swear words here and there, and my mother chiding me that the electricity was irritating her too, and I need not add to her already bad mood. 

But as time started passing by, I got extremely piqued. To put my moodiness at bay, I witnessed the scenario outside, through the bars of the open windows. The trees outside looked topsy-turvy, like the roots were above and the clusters of branches and leaves were below, and the inky-blue sky along with the occasional chill breeze soothing my terse self and I was getting high and laughing for no reason like I was drunk on God-knows-what. Then came the onslaught of mosquitoes to ruin my mood. Like possessive and needy lovers, they made slow love to my sweaty body. They kept buzzing around my ears, biting my hands and legs, leaving behind stupid hickeys. And very obviously, I did not like it because who likes mosquitoes leaving behind a part of them to remember? 

I covered myself with my dad’s white veshti, but no, they had to hover around, giving me the company I did not require. It’s true, you know, that misery loves company. I was misery personified then, and I did require company, but of the air conditioner and the fan, not the damned mosquitoes. I started proclaiming aloud how our country was not going to develop any further if they did not take care of basic facilities like ensuring strong electricity for the masses. I worked myself up into some sort of fervor, and I tried to even be introspective, but I really couldn’t, what with a sweat covered blanket, the hovering mosquitoes and a sleep deprived state. I fell into fits of deep slumber now and then, and would wake up to find that the electricity had not returned. Calls were made to the Electricity Board (EB), but the charming workers there did not pick up the calls. Fraught with a case of nerves and a desire to chop off the heads of anybody who passed even the slightest comment to irk me, I really did not know how to distract myself. Then after what seemed like an eternity, my grandfather said that the electricity would return only at 7 or 8 AM in the morning. I accepted defeat, claimed this was all some sort of conspiracy, and before you could tell me “Shut up”, I was asleep.

I wake up at 6 AM, go to the living room, crash on the couch and sleep again. The mosquitoes probably realized that despite the pleasure their company gave me throughout the night, they had to leave, and they did so very reluctantly, if I may say so. I’m guessing the extremely efficient EB workers were well versed in reading the clock, because the electricity returned after a mere 2 hours of the promised 7-8 AM slot. And that too for a span of 10 minutes or so, but hey, I should be extremely grateful right? I mean, what is a sacrifice of more than 8 hours of sleep and sanity compared to for 10 minutes of the rhythm of the fan which spewed a gush of air? Nothing, I tell you, for I am a very ungrateful and unreasonable person. I mean, the EB workers are martyrs for letting the residents of my area stay awake for a mere 8 hours while they gird their loins in order to work much, much later after the electricity snapped. And while I write this, I observe a squirrel climbing the frail stem of a Tulsi plant pot placed outside some one’s window sill on the third floor. I don’t know why I even wrote that down. And the electricity hasn’t returned yet. Wait, why am I even writing this whole incident down?   

Mind your voice!- a rant

I still remember 3 particular words that are just etched upon my mind from a lecture presented in college, even if I don’t remember a word of the core concept being taught then during the lecture. These 3 words are essential to an aspiring journalist like me and any other human being for that matter. Okay I have done enough of beating around the bush, and those 3 words I present to you with a flourish of my arms and an imaginary drum roll: “Courtesy costs nothing”. There, I said it. If your face has that questioning look that accuses me of stating a fact that I took 5 sentences to introduce, then please hear me out. I accept that it is difficult to communicate in a polite manner in stressful situations such as during meetings or even when a person is about to just sit down to eat dinner, but it bodes well to be agreeable to the other person, and not talk like one’s got daggers lined up right beside them that they are going to fling haphazardly. I have been piqued because I faced two unpleasant experiences with two very irksome people. One was the editor of a big media house, and another a god-knows-what in some motorcycle showroom. Two very contrasting situations, and you might quirk an eyebrow at me and ask me, “But showroom employees are nice to prospective customers. Why would they be rude?” The editor could be justified by saying that he is in a top-notch position where he deals with too many people and does not have time for any Tom, Dick and Harry calling to inquire about internships.  And the sales manager dude? What would be his excuse? Hmm, I don’t feel like both of these guys need a justification for that kind of outright dis-courteousness. To these guys, I address from here the message I want to hammer into their brains.  I understand that Chennai is a hot place to work at and it is not easy to handle the heat outside and the heat at work. But I would like to point out that it is NOT okay to just slam another person on the phone ( being me here) who is trying to hold on to every bit of her patience here and not lash out at you like a leather whip at the hands of a 21^st century Phoolan Devi! No matter what position you hold at your workplace, don’t forget that the other person on the phone is a) a human being just like you and b) the reason you earn your bread and butter. Remember that if you cannot be something as simple as courteous, you are a petty person no matter whether you are oh-so-friendly in your social circle or you use a religious caller tune to establish your virtuous personality (what an irony, don’t you think?) And again I address the two above mentioned people to tell you that I may be younger to you in age and not have that expertise you clutch so close to your heart, but your tongue is vile and that it will eclipse your merits otherwise. I conclude with three words that I hope is like a prick to your otherwise tolerable personality: Mind your voice.

Weird,WEIRD virtual world.

It's been so long since i logged into my blogger account, and i have nobody but myself to blame, being the lazy bum i am. And i am now back with a vengeance (sort of) to cram in all i have noticed about the very weird virtual world i live in. (Tres pathetic). To begin with, the Internet is a major boon to the "glued to my laptop and numb in the bum from all that sitting" types like me. And there are so many avenues to explore in this beautiful yet weird virtual world. Why weird, you ask me. Well, some idiots irritate a quasi-grammar nazi like me by using that godforsaken English lingo which is "so kewl,u knw". Take for example, this one:

Can i use the wheelchair option, please? Preferably one where i can  'accidentally'  fall and  hurt myself?

To the homies who use this distressing lingo that is murdering the beautiful language mercilessly and slowly, please PLEASE have pity on some of us who actually adhere to typing/writing the words just the way they are, not "lyk dis wch u find easy". Because sooner or later, someone is going to end up throwing a dictionary on your face, and who knows, i just might be that one. Yes, i can be menacing that way (Oh wait, that was a joke). And the other stupid trend which is setting fire to Tumblr and my Facebook newsfeed is the apparently very meaningful art of writing very obvious facts on a random picture of a scantily dressed girl or a couple making out like there's no tomorrow, like this one:

"I love how people want to smack us with a shovel when they see this."

The picture inserted above so carefully (with the source blurred with such adept expertise by me) is just one of the many,many examples hammered into the web. We are tangled in this very web where people post meaningless drivel like this and tarnish our basic senses with its senseless and totally obvious crap. I can talk for hours about this, but there are other things to be discussed too. So moving on, the next irritating thing is the "likewhore" trend. The most pointless trend, i believe. So, this trend is totally a Facebook thing, with some idiot who needs constant reassurance that chocolates or pretty hair needs a like to emphasize a person's like for it. (Of course people love both chocolates and pretty hair, you moron!) This could be forgiven as a lapse of common sense on their parts. But some people take it to extremes, like: 

Well, that escalated quickly.

I hope this poor lady knows that her picture is being used to garner likes by some sadistic kid in some corner of the world with a dark look in his eyes and a melted banana for a brain. So, if i don't like this picture, it means my grandma is going to die, is it? Stupid baboon farts. There are so many stupid things going on in the Internet, and i could go on ranting about them, but i put an end to it right here. All i can say is that its a weird virtual world. And as a fitting end to this post:

 Happy reading!